Dan Quayle Said This


  • "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."  -- J. Danforth Quayle

  • "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."  -- J. Danforth Quayle

  • "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

  • "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

  • "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

  • "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89

  • "May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world." -- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

  • "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88

  • "I was known as the chief grave robber in my state."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/21/89

  • "In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get - The Future!"  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/21/89

  • "My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never surrender to what is right."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, speech to Christian Coalition.

  • "We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the future."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "The future will be better tomorrow."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

  • "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

  • "I deserve respect for the things I did not do."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "This president is going to lead us out of this recovery."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Public speaking is very easy."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

  • "Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle in Hawaii 9/89

  • "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle in Hawaii 9/89

  • "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

  • "Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92

  • "It's a very good historical book about history."  -- former Vice President Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's Modern Times

  • "There are lots more people in the House. I don't know how many exactly - I never counted but at least a couple hundred."  -- former Vice President Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the difference between the House and the Senate

  • "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90

  • "You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle in speech to American Somoans where he pronounced the capital city as "Pogo Pogo"

  • "....Getting (cruise missiles) more accurate so that we can have precise precision."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative work on cruise missiles.

  • "I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "For NASA, space is still a high priority."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/5/90

  • "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90

  • "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "The best thing about rain forests is they never suffer from drought."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Near East and the Far East from encroaching on each other."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling the tax increases, "revenue enhancement." Not so. No one was fooled."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "People are not homeless if they're sleeping in the streets of their own hometowns."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Republicans have been acused of abandoning the poor. It's the other way around. They never vote for us."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "Air travel efficiency would improve if more travelers started going to less popular places."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "I am entirely for Congressional term limits - especially for members of the House and the Senate."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."  -- Vice President Dan Quayle

  • "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.


  •      George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin. When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev, ''Mikhail, can you help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me. How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work for you?''

         ''Well, when I was interviewing Eduard Shevardnadze, I asked him, 'Eduard, who is the son of your father but not your brother?'''

         ''What did he say?'' Bush asked.

         ''He said, 'that's me,' so I hired him.''

         Bush patted Gorbachev on the shoulder. ''Thanks, Mikhail. That's a great idea.''

         As soon as he got back to Washington, Bush called Dan Quayle over to the White House. ''Dan,'' he said, ''I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father but not your brother?'' Quayle looked rather puzzled. ''Can I get back to you on that in 24 hours, Mr. President?''

         He was very troubled by this question. He kept thinking about it and thinking about it, but couldn't get anywhere. Finally, the thought struck him, ''I'll ask Jim Baker. He's a smart guy.'' Quayle called Baker on the phone. ''Jim, I've got a question for you. Who is the son of your father, but not your brother?''

         ''That would be me,'' Baker replied. Quayle broke into a big smile.

         ''Thanks, Jim. You've helped me out big time.''

         He went running to the West Wing and burst into the Oval Office. ''Mr. President, I have the answer!'' ''Okay, Dan. Who is the son of your father, but not your brother?''

         ''It's Jim Baker!'' said Quayle.

         ''No,'' said Bush. ''It's Shevardnadze.''

    Previous Page of Humor Menu Next Page of Humor

    Counter
    Visitors Since May 29, 1997
    Home Page

    This page is maintained by Jay Paulovicks (jayp@jayp.net) .
    © Copyright 1997-2007 Jay Paulovicks
    This URL: http: //www.jayp.net/humor/quayle.htm