How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
How do they get deer to cross at those yellow signs?
If sour milk is used to make Yogurt, how do you know when Yogurt is bad?
How did a fool and his money get together?
How did the guy who invented cottage cheese know when it was done?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How does the guy that drives the snowplow get to work?
How do they get Teflon to stick to the pan since nothing sticks to Teflon?
IF....
If you have your finger touching a rearview mirror that says "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" how is that possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's law will something keep going wrong?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you tie a buttered piece of toast to a cats back and drop it?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix with it?
If you are in a vehicle going at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
If it's tourist season, why can't you shoot them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest does it make a sound?
If firefighters fight fire and crimefighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If CON is the opposite of PRO, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a funeral procession is at night, do they drive with their lights off?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If you are cross-eyed and have dsylexia, can you read all right?
If law school is so hard to get through, why are there so many lawyers?
If a cow laughed, does milk come out her nose?
If a tin horn is made from tin, what is a foghorn made from?
If jail and prisoner are synonomous, why aren't jailer and prisoner?
If you throw a cat out the window does it become kitty litter?
If a cat becomes radioactive, will it now have 18 half lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered to be a hostage situation?
If the front of your car says "DODGE" do you really need a horn?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If a mute swears does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
WHEN
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
WHAT
What would we have called the color orange if it wasn't a fruit?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
You know how most packages say "Open Here"? What is the protocol if it says "Open somewhere else"?
Instead of talking to your plants, what if you yelled at them? Would they be troubled and insecure?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What is another word for synonym? (See your thesaurus!!)
AND FINALLY......
Is it possible to be totally impartial?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't amazing how friendly telemarketers are until you say no?
Can you be a closet clostrophobic?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before geting out of the water?
Does "fuzzy logic" tickle?
Does "virgin wool" come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
Do blind eskimos have seeing eye sled dogs?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Just "before" someone gets nervous were the butterflies in their stomach cocoons?
